Last week I had the privilege of speaking to a group of church leaders in Nashville on the subject of church conflict. As a survivor of conflict, I shared with them insights I gained from the situation I faced. I want to share them with you.
1. Do not say it cannot happen to you. I am convinced that no matter how strong and influential you and your congregation might be, Satan can orchestrate conflict. I remind myself, if it can happen to Jonathan Edwards after 24 years as the pastor in Northampton, it can happen to anyone.
2. Take all threats seriously. When someone says, "I will ruin you," believe that is his or her intention. Then, take every step you can to deal with it. Ignoring it will only allow things to get worse.
3. Take pre-emptive steps. Pastors can do three things to minimize potential conflict. First, clarify expectations on the front end. If you have a way of doing things, or you will not come unless certain conditions are agreed upon, then put that in a "Memorandum of Understanding" and have the church vote on that when they vote on you. Unclarified expectations can be potentially volatile. Second, communicate demographic realities. Let the folks know what is happening and why. Third, update your Constitution and Bylaws to preclude being vulnerable to unwarranted attacks.
4. Make sure you are insured. An umbrella liability policy is relatively inexpensive and can be a life-saver in the midst of threats. This can offer a measure of security against potential financial ruin.
5. Retain the services of a good attorney. Have them do a risk profile on you and your church when things are going well. This can minimize potential threats to your congregation. (I can refer you to an attorney who does this if you contact me). I know for myself, especially when the attacks began, attorney Larry Crain, an Associate with the ACLJ, was a God-send.
6. Retain the services of a good counselor. Fortunately, I am married to one of the best counselors I know. Still, a sound Christian Counselor can be invaluable. Keeping everything bottled up inside of you is a recipe for disaster. Get a professional listening ear to help you process what you are experiencing.
7. Do not leave until God says so. Too many ministers resign and run at the first sign of trouble. Stay put until God tells you otherwise.
8. Here are some specific things that helped me: a supportive wife and family, confiding in close friends, journaling daily, praying in specifics, and constantly remembering that God is ultimately in control.
9. Forgive. You do not have to forget, but the refusal to forgive will place you in a self-imposed prison and life is too short to waste it there. Forgiveness is a choice not an emotion.
10. Finally, remember Genesis 50:20 where Joseph told his brothers,"What men meant for evil, God meant for good." God can use adversity to prepare you for greater ministry if you will respond to it appropriately. Keep you eyes on Him and trust Him with your future!
Thanks Jerry. We need to be able to verbalize these very real risks. I am not sure that difficult conflicts in congregations can be avoided totally. I think a pastor, a preacher, must be somewhat thick skinned, able to take some challenges without being threatened; always meeting the opposition with love. I am reminded that my pastor of my youth in Nashville, always encouraged broad involvement in the ministries of the church. I now see the wisdom of that goal - what the congregation initiates, they will support.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing! Lift the difficult issues out of the closet.....our denomination needs vocal leaders who meet the difficulties of ministry head on.
Warmest Regards, J Knight, Nashville