The Unspoken Tension Between (Some) Pastors and (Some) Laity: A Reflection And Commentary

I am speaking to the Great Commission Research Network meeting at Lifeway in Nashville on Wednesday and this blog contains part of the material I will share.

I recently read a blog and a response to it by two men for whom I have great respect, Thom Rainer and Rod Martin. Rainer wrote a blog entitled "The Unspoken Tension Between (Some) Pastors and (Some) Laity." Martin penned a response which contributed two additional insights to the discussion.

Rainer's thesis was that a growing tension exists between some pastors and some laity in churches across America. The tension, he maintains, is not pervasive but it is growing. He suggested that it is like a family secret that no one mentions explicitly, but many speak around it and near it. And, he concludes, this tension is growing. Then he observes, "this tension is one of the effective tools used by Satan to distract from those things that are of Kingdom importance." He then relates what each side is saying. 

Pastors complain of critical people: the silent majority which allows the problems, the apathetic members who do nothing, and the self-serving who take advantage of the situation. He then assesses that ministry is messy and pastors have to relate to imperfect people. Noting that the disgruntled crowd is usually small, he reminds pastors that God called them to love the unlovely unconditionally.

From the lay perspective, there are complaints of autocratic and abusive pastors, non-leading pastors, change-agent pastors who want to make too many changes too rapidly, non-pastoral care pastors, and pastors who are poor preachers. Rainer's ultimate solution is for everyone to focus on the needs and concerns of others rather than their own needs. And to be self-giving and sacrificial. He urges all parties to embody Philippians 2:3-5: “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus.” 

Martin suggests that Rainer may have missed two icebergs crashing into our churches both centered in the pulpit. He suggests that many pastors do not understand the world we live in and as a result do not address critical issues especially from a soundly Biblical context. Coupled with that is the fact that way too many pastors refuse to call, especially the men, to anything that matters. How can men be change agents for the better in a corrupt and broken world? Pastors need to rise up and lead men to address these needs! 

I agree with what both of these men have written, but more can be said. In fact I can easily see one or more books addressing these issues.

My first thought when I read Rainer's blog was to blurt out, "better unspoken tensions than outright conflict." I pastored a church that went into a full-blown war, a "perfect storm" might be a better description. From my vantage point, here is what I saw. Maybe you can learn from my experience (nightmare might be a better word).

First, I believe three root causes were present. It started with unclarified expectations. During the conflict, I received a letter from one of my antagonists the heart of which stated, "when you came here, we wanted a preacher, not a leader." She said more than she meant to. After two decades we still were working off different assumptions and different expectations.

Added to that was the rapidly changing demographic of the area where our church was located. Ten years before the conflict, a demographic specialist told me that the demographics within the church's field of ministry were changing and we needed to change our ministry or change our location.  "If not," he cautioned,  "you will lose people to upward social mobility and you will be blamed for it." He was right. And that is the subject for another time.

A third root cause was an outdated and faulty Constitution and Bylaws. Ours did not have safeguards to preclude the unfolding disorder.

Coupled with the root causes was a complex mindset displayed by those that launched the attack. Here is my take.

1. A naive mentality was present. Music preferences were raised to conviction levels. When we started a contemporary service, I heard that we had let the devil's music into the church. These criticisms came from people who did not even attend these services.

2. I saw an owner's mentality. A small group, an old guard, most of whom lived around the church were dead set against us talking to a major business about the possibility of selling some of the church's land. They did everything possible to stop this proposal from coming to the church for discussion or vote. Their argument was "we don 't want to sell God's land." The truth is, that should have been a church decision. 

3. I saw an entitlement mentality. Sadly, the mindset was, "we have been here the longest. This is our church." For whatever reason, the notion that the entire church should have due deliberation did not matter.

Coupled with this was a Messiah mentality on the part of a few of their leaders. These people literally attempted to usurp leadership that God never gave them. And we had no way to stop this effectively.

I also saw a bully mentality. Repeated lawsuits, disruption of worship services, anonymous letters, accusations without facts, and a cheap-shot website with no owner (looped through a foreign country, with multiple anonymous blogs and articles) all added to the disarray. It is hard to disprove negative accusations.

A carnal mentality was also present. A rampant disregard for Biblical imperatives ran rampant. It was disheartening.

A gullible mentality ran with this as well. A small well-coordinated group master-minded the whole conflict. A lot of good but gullible people believed everything that was thrown out. It is sad when good people get manipulated and do not ever know or even realize what is happening.

Finally, I saw a small to medium-sized church mentality (using categories established by McIntosh and Kellar). I am all for small churches, but when a church grows, there comes a time when the management/leadership style has to change or the church finds it impossible to continue growing. One authority on church health noted that as churches grow, ministers must give up doing all the ministry and members must surrender making all the decisions. If this does not happen, the result is burnout for the ministers and chaos for the congregation.

Years after the conflict is over, the abiding question is "is the church better off?" I still have a sadness in my heart for what might have been.