4 Characteristics of a Great Dad

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Scripture is replete with good and bad examples of of fathers. In Judges, both Eli and Samuel were dedicated priests but defective parents. In contrast, we do find some outstanding examples of what a good father is like. Consider Zebedee whose two sons, James and John, became disciples and Apostles. What did he do that proved so constructive to his children? Consider these four characteristics.

First, he influenced his sons by his presence. Matthews' Gospel tells us that they worked together. Every child needs time with his or her father. We only influence people when we spend time with them. The idea that quality time is a legitimate substitute for quantity time is a myth. So, for you fathers, are you spending time with your kids? Remember, you only have a limited season to influence your kids, then the opportunity is gone.

Second, he imparted his values. He taught them how to work and how to work together. He taught them how to solve problems, plan, and make decisions. He showed them how to put God first in everything. 

Third, he was involved in his sons' lives. By this, I mean more than just being present. He was so involved that his sons were known as "the sons of Zebedee." Also they were called "the sons of thunder" which for better or worse demonstrated his influence because of his involvement. In the words of Cat Stevens, "I want to be like you dad, I want to be just like you." My attitude was always if my kids turn out bad, it was because they spent too much time with me and not from a lack of time.

Finally, he taught his children to be independent. Our goal should be to lead each child from total dependence upon us to a total dependence upon the Lord. As we help them on the pathway to independence from us, we need to give them two things: roots and wings. "Roots" represent security, identity, and the sense that they belong. They are loved unconditionally. "Wings" say you can spread your wings and fly! You can become whatever God wants you to become. We will be there to help you, encourage you, and facilitate your pressing on to maturity.

What lessons have you learned about parenting from your parents or by being a parent yourself? 

5 Insights On Writing from “Bird By Bird”

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Anyone who knows me knows that I am a student of writing. I have four published books and numerous articles to my credit. Yet, I still feel very much like a novice as I continue to learn. Several weeks ago I was given a copy of Anne Lamott's book, Bird By Bird, which is the distilled essence of her writer's workshop. In this blog I would like to wrap up my thoughts on her book as I examine some of her insights concerning the discipline of writing.

1. She sees writing as a frontline force in the politically incorrect arena of the culture wars. Lamott writes, "The society to which we belong seems to be dying or is already dead. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but clearly the dark side is rising" (234). Then, she counters by stating, "And who knows? Maybe what you have written will help others, will be a small part of the solution" (235). She previously had commented that, "writing is about learning to pay attention and to communicate what is going on" (97). As we pay attention and realize what is unfolding, perhaps we writers can be part of the solution to bring light to the darkness.

2. She also addresses the self-held convictions of the writer. She explains, "But you have to believe in your position, or nothing will be driving your work. If you don't believe in what you are saying, there is no point in your saying it...this belief will keep you going as you struggle to get your work done" (106-7). Lamott continues this thought sequence by observing, "to be a good writer, you not only have to write a great deal but you have to care...But a writer always tries, I think, to be part of the solution, to understand a little about life and pass this on" (107). Understanding, caring, and passing on insights and convictions--that is a sound insight about the nature and value of writing.

3. Lamott also gives attention to what she identifies as the "moral position." She explains, "So a moral position is not a message. A moral position is a passionate caring inside of you...and there is no point in gathering an audience and demanding its attention unless you have something to say that is important and constructive" (108). So, what is it inside of you that is important? And what can you write that is constructive?

4. Lamott also speaks to those who have succumbed to the intimidation of public opinion and self-doubt. She gives this advice: "so you have gotten into the habit of doubting the voice that was telling you quite clearly what was really going on. It is essential that you get it back!" She explains, "you get your confidence and your intuition back by trusting yourself, by being militantly on your own side" (111-112). From a Christian perspective this infers being prayed up and biblically sound, then boldly taking a righteous stand. It is not enough to be sincere because many people are sincere, but sincerely wrong.

5. She gives encouragement to do your best...all the time. Quoting Annie Dillard, she writes, "day by day you have to give the work before you all the best stuff you have, not saving up for later projects. If you give freely, there will always be more" (p.202). 

From my perspective, these are great insights from an experienced and seasoned writer. She is one more person from whom I can learn! What authors have you read lately that have provided you with great insight?